Consent is essentially giving permission for something to happen. In terms of sexual activity, a person consents to sexual activity if that person agrees ‘by choice, and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice” as defined in The Sexual Offences Act 2003 (England and Wales) and The Sexual Offences Act Order 2008 (Northern Ireland. In the Scottish Sexual Offences Act 2009, consent is defined as “free agreement”.
Sexual consent can be defined as the agreement to engage in sexual activity when someone has the freedom and capacity to do so.
Planned Parenthood talk about how consent is as easy as FRIES:
- Freely given – consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- Reversible – anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.
- Informed – you can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
- Enthusiastic – when it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you want to do, not things you feel you’re expected to do.
- Specific – saying yes to one thing (like going to a private space to kiss), doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to other things (like sex).
Why is consent important?
Consent creates clarity as everybody knows what everybody wants and what they are expecting. Checking with someone that you have their consent shows respect – it demonstrates that you care about the other person’s boundaries. Consent will protect you from repercussions.
If you’re unsure whether someone is consenting or not – ask!
We can all help to create a health consult culture which is a culture in which asking for consent, establishing and respecting personal boundaries is normalised through social attitudes, images and practices. Consent goes beyond just sex and applies to everyday interactions.
- Normalising consent – focus on being direct and talking about what you want to do and what doesn’t feel right.
- Acknowledge individuals are the best judges of their own needs – respect what people want and don’t want. This can include respecting their personal space, individual boundaries and body autonomy (this means a person is the only one who can determine what happens to their body.
- Challenge and call out inappropriate actions – when safe to do so, challenge and call out objectifying language and derogatory comments. Speak out when you hear slut shaming, victim blaming or rape culture that is packaged as “banter”.
- Examine your own behaviour – examine what aspects of your own beliefs, attitudes and behaviours need to be challenged and be willing to learn.
- Ask questions, and check in on others – ask permission before taking actions that affect someone’s physical or emotional state, listen to their answers, and respect their decision.
What isn’t consent?
It’s not consent, if you or someone else was:
- Asleep, unconscious, drunk, drugged or ‘on’ drugs
- Pressured, manipulated, tricked or scared into saying yes
- Too young or vulnerable to have the freedom and capacity to make their own choice
- Being in a relationship
- Consenting to one activity but another activity
- If you withdraw consent at any point (even during sex). Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
Consent is about communication, it’s an ongoing process of talking about what you do and don’t feel comfortable with.
Consent can be expressed verbally or through non-verbal actions (like smiling and nodding). These actions don’t replace consent but are additional details that may reflect consent. It is always necessary however to seek verbal consent.
| Consent is… |
Consent is not… |
| Verbal |
Silent |
| Possible to withdraw |
Reluctant |
| Enthusiastic |
Assumed |
| Ongoing |
Manipulative |
| Informed |
Guessing |
| Coherent |
Forced |
| Specific |
Coerced |